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Dallaglio Cycle Slam The Movie

2010-04-21 17:10:27

From: John Kennaway Sent: 8th April 2010 17:44 To: Jeffrey Katzenberg Subject: CYCLE SLAM : THE MOVIE

STRUCTURE

There are some fundamental but fixable structural problems. Nobody is going to believe snowstorms in Rome (Italy) - we need to move this to the last act in Scotland, where the weather is crap all the time. I also think this whole cross-dressing stuff will have to go, it will confuse the audiences and can't see any leading actor agreeing. Also if we are to say this is a true story, we need to lose the dream sequence with the Flintstones, and the idea that Prince Harry comes to meet them all in London is just plain crazy.

We could go two ways with this. If we need a three-hankie weepie on the slate then you just have to look at the back story and people/causes they are riding for, and we could do this easily - it's a great achievement - heartbreaking stuff. Also some good flashback material - the World Cup, Tour de France, the guy on the train, the 'Big Daddy' stuff.

I also looked at the other thing we were sent where some UK celebs rode across England to Johnny Groats. Doesn't seem to hold up dramatically, and after Speed we can't do another movie where the central characters spend most of their time on a bus. (You might remember we looked at a movie about the one guy Walliams swimming the British Channel - amazing but unfilmable).

However, we do need some dramatic tension, so I am thinking we make it a race and we give it the Dodgeball treatment - with a nod to 'They Shoot Horses'. We want a competitive edge, and they need to end up on their knees, not on the piss in women's clothing.

CHARACTERS

It seems about 250 people did this which we just can't manage - we don't want the cost of the extras or the drinks bill. We need to focus on a group of about ten misfits - sort of Dirty Dozen goes biking - with about half of them making it. Looking at their core group the girl is interesting, if a bit old, but her husband has to go, he adds nothing. The washed up old pro needs fleshing out, and we need to do something with the heart throb character - though 'Bonzo' doesnt work, needs to be Tug, Butch or similar. The aristocracy angle is good - we like Lord Relton and the accident-prone Sir Les - though Relton needs to be there from the start, rather than on vacation for the first sixty pages.

In the lead role we need somebody with some credibility as a former athlete, slightly past it, who likes a drink - so I'm thinking Russell Crowe. If we switch the whole thing to the USA and make them NFL players then we could just get Dennis Quaid or Nick Nolte.

A great little guy called Madeira turns up briefly in the middle act, and we need to make him the comedic balance to our super-hero lead. There is also a mad scotch guy who turns up at the end - has potential, but might need subtitles. These guys have to ride the whole way but problem with the Madeira character is that he doesn't seem able to ride a bike. Obviously need to lose all the rugby and cricket guys - for US distribution we need golfers, tennis players, racing drivers, olympians (any ideas?), and an american, like the Hoff. Looking at love interest with the french guy but apparently this never happened - despite best efforts.

There is a medical guy called Rooster who comes and goes, but his thing seems to be cricket (no, me neither). What we need to do is make him the 'mentor' character, so I suggest he is one of those old european guys (say, Jacques Lecoq) who worked with the great French cyclists like Lemond and Merckx. The young guy is good - maybe we make his father a renegade doctor, who needs funding, on the verge of finding a cure for something - you know, ticking clock kind of thing?

Walliams seems perfect as the bad guy (charming but bit creepy) - and he can act - apparently Walliams will do the cross-dressing stuff but can't see how we work this in. Strangely in research Eddie Izzard - remember him in Valkyrie? - did something like 43 marathons in a row and he likes dressing up as a woman too. I am not making this up. So we could go arthouse, I'm thinking Priscilla, Queen of the Bike.

I'm thinking we make the girl Walliams' ex to bring some sexual tension. Thought about Lance Armstrong in a cameo, but he did one in Dodgeball, so maybe not.

STORY

This is still close enough to the truth I think.....

Lawrence sets off from Rome with his dysfunctional little group to race across Europe to Edinburgh (Scotland). His wingman Johnny drops out in Italy with heat exhaustion. In Paris they are ambushed by gangsters who steal their bikes and camper van. At Omaha Beach our man hosts a moving ceremony with Fritz Ulrich, captain of the German rugby team. Sir David Beckham steps in briefly and leads the peloton across the Channel and along the King's Road.

Their strongest rider goes through a car windscreen outside Windsor Castle (was it an accident?), and is left in a wheelchair (we need proper crashes, the guy breaking his thumb is just not good enough). The old pro gives up the booze, pulls himself together, and finds some form. They are all battling saddle sores, stomach bugs, the fine system and terrible hangovers. Lecoq uses all his old tricks and experience to turn the group into a well oiled machine.

Meanwhile we see Walliams' team streaking north, rotating, drafting, a well drilled unit, in Assos skinsuits, on time-trial Pinarello's, deep rim carbon wheels, paced by Bradley Wiggins - with massive technical support.

Into Wales (near England) the weather worsens, the police detain another team member (sexual misdemeanour), and with a 'perfect storm' brewing, they battle through - sheltering in pubs mostly - and in Dublin (Ireland) lose Madeira in a deep puddle. They are ahead until their ferry is stranded in the Irish Sea and the Help for Heroes connection sees Lawrence helicoptered to Stranraer (Scotland) by the US Coastguard. He slogs on alone, on a bike borrowed from a local postman.

As they converge on Edinburgh snow is falling heavily. Walliams team switches to mountain bikes fitted with snow tyres, but Lawrence battles on, fuelled by haggis and IPA, cheered by locals. Turning on to Prince's Street Walliams is just ahead but he falls heavily. Lawrence hesitates but stops and picks him up and they walk across the line together, the bagpipes playing, and Prince William (in a kilt) is there to receive their cheque for £1million.

By the way - we thought about setting the whole thing against the backdrop of England winning this Six Nations/Slam thing, but we understand this is just too far fetched.

Let me know what you think, some casting ideas below.

CASTING

Early thoughts:

Lawrence Dallaglio: Russell Crowe Lord Relton: Eddie Izzard Andrew Croker: Richard Wilson Joanna Croker: Michelle Pfeiffer Bonzo Lorenzo: Brad Pitt Sir Les Ferdinand: The Rock Lee Dixon: Graeme le Saux Freddie Flintoff: Michael Caine Rob Mauchlen: Russell Brand Jo Gowing: Nigella Lawson Nicola Bird: Sophie Dahl Greg Sim: Warren Beatty Paul Madeira: Danny de Vito Paul Kimmage: Al Pacino Peter Nagle (before): Brendan Gleeson Peter Nagle (after): Colin Farrell Damian Hopley: Leo McKern Nicky McKay: Julie Andrews Aussie Dave: Barry Humphries Doc Morris: Patrick Dempsey Dr Major Sally Orange: Kristen Scott-Thomas Rooster: Gerard Depardieu Kenny Logan: Ewan McGregor Jason Leonard: Ray Winstone Pierre-Yves: Olivier Martinez

David Walliams: Ben Stiller Davina McCall: Victoria Pendleton Patrick Kielty: Sean Kelly Fearne Cotton: Lindsay Lohan Jimmy Carr: James Corden

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